The A.N.I.T.A. System

I’m giving TV another shot. I think I was brash in my decision to separate from it completely. I was in a bad place after Angel was cancelled in 2004 and I may have said things I shouldn’t have…Anyway…Sorry, TV. I really like what you’ve done with the place…That show, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” cracks me up. ‘Love it! How did I go on without it?

As I catch up on seasons past, I got acquainted with the infamous “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System” episode, cementing Dennis Reynolds’ identity as a sociopathic sex predator…of sorts. Although this fictional character’s behaviour is not one to model oneself after, the creative writing that went into the system’s conception and the episode attached merits my seldom-given accolades. A detailed refresher of “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System” can be read here.

I was hanging out with some friends last night and we were having fun coming up with Dennis-inspired “systems” through acronyms based off our respective names. I say we, but it was mostly they. Alright, all they. They never got to me. Granted, I do give off the semblance of over-niceness, but whatever…This is my blog and behold the A.N.I.T.A. System…were I a vain sociopath:

A – Ascribe to his principles

N – Nurture his ego

I – Ignore contact

T – Turn up randomly

A – Avoid entirely

In one’s attempts to seduce a man, it is important to (A)scribe to his principles. By fibbing here and there, you place him in a comfort zone – let him think he’s in control. (N)urture his ego – in more ways than one if you catch my drift (wink, wink) – go out of your way to make him believe that you’re the only person who truly appreciates him for who he is. This can take on the form of well-timed flattery to loving attentiveness to bribing his friends and family to reject and/or insult him. Once he starts to depend on you for positive reinforcement (I)gnore contact – make him feel bad inside, as if there’s something wrong with him. After two weeks without seeing him, (T)urn up randomly at his favourite hang out spot. He’ll either resent you or try to understand you – whatever happens, just know that the sex afterwards will be awesome because of all the unresolved tension that exists.

And as he’s sleeping, you slip off into the night, never to see him again: (A)void entirely.

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